I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
