it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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