Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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