oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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