I bet he comes in French.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
