You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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