What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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