ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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