I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
