I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
