Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize