I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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