If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
