you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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