You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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