dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
