the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
