there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
