She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
