I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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