I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
