I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize