I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
