also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Dicks are not precious.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
