i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize