I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
