Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize