so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize