yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
