How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
