I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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