I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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