The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
