lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
