Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize