Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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