I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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