I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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