I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize