so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
