So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
