Whats the glycemic index on semen?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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