they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
