It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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