Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
