u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
