If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
