We named our party play list daddy issues
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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