I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
