Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
