he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
