Dude my mom stole all your condoms
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize