her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
