i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
