im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
