I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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