Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
