dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
third nipple confirmed
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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