Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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