forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My dick has a subreddit
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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