She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
