ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
