if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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