He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
