she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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