her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize