Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
