So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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