im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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