my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
