I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Who died my cat blue again?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
