genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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