I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
