Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
