id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
