dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
