I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
