I'm drive I can fine osifer
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
