I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize